The following is a transcript of an interview with Kris. She refused to appear at the studio in person, insisting on a telephone interview.
INT: Hey, thanks for coming on, Kris. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself?
K: Well- obviously I'm Kris, and I'm an artist from the great American Rust Belt. And- ...to get this out of the way, I really do care a lot about authenticity. And because of this, I feel the need to clarify that I am, in fact, human. Despite the deer allegations, (the deer allegations are fake) many trusted sources have reviewed me with regards such as "wunderbar," "sweet," "laidback," "t****y," and "iconic." And human. Can't forget about that. I have skin and not fur. I wear glasses and my favorite color is burgundy. Deer probably can't do that. Cant you see I'm a human? ...You can't, but that's besides the point. Plus, could a deer even comprehend Citizen Kane? That wasnt a rhetorical question I genuninely have no idea. Can someone check
INT: I think we can assume that a deer could comprehend Citizen Kane for now.
K: Dammit. In that case, I thought it was stupid and boring and I didnt get it. Never even seen it. Shitty movie.
INT: What would you say is a good movie?
K: The Whitest Kids U' Know Present: The Civil War on Drugs.
INT: Haven't heard of it. Moving on, some people often identify you as a "furry." Is this true?
K: We've been over this. I. AM. A. HUMAN. I don't even know what that is. What the hell is a furry?
INT: It's like, someone who likes anthropromorphic cartoon animals.
K: Oh. Yeah I love drawing animal ladies. I've got this one character, Laura, she's kinda like me but a deer. And I'm a human, as we've been over. Does that make me a furry? Is that even a bad thing? I don't know
INT: It's probably fine. So you're an artist? Who's your biggest inspiration?
K: Well, I'd say Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes is responsible for not only getting me interested in art and comics, but also made me a huge smartass who thinks she's special for knowing that aggreive means- (which, by the way, a deer couldn't do.) I spent a lot of recesses drawing these stupid comics with my hands (not hooves) about spacefaring tigers and llama helicopter pilots.
INT: Cool. Well, this is all great. Thanks for coming on- WAIT, NO! NOTWAD THEWDS DESTRCTUCTO BEAEADDAMWDAD!!!!!!!!!!!! SADJWHISDNAWODIhWJdjWdjAKwdkadas.....
K: What the fuck?!
Kris hangs up.
